So it's been a million years since I've posted....

Life has been a whirlwind. I made the choice to leave the company I had been at for almost 7 years ( from what I've been told it's unheard of for someone from my generation to stay over 5). It was hard to leave after growing up there, and after putting in so much time, effort, and emotion. It was a big change. But I was happy to put in my resignation when given a new opportunity. Bittersweet.
I left for a privately owned company with a healthier balance sheet
however, still large and corporate...yes I am a corporate drone. Sometimes happy about it, sometimes not. They own me. The man, that is. I am painfully aware of this. In good company though.
I was in search of challenge, and in something I could believe in again...and I got it. Challenge that is. I believe in the mission I'm on, but boy does it exhaust me. (I still haven't figured out work/life balance yet).
So there is mucho change going on at our house. The career change was a good thing in the name of job joy. Now it's a lets figure out how to have a little bit more life joy.
A piece of that starts with our living situation. Sadly enough we are going to short sell our house. The sad part isn't on the selling it part...but on the necessity to short sell it. This is what we get for living in Southern Nevada. We could hang onto it, and get further under water. Market recovery is nowhere in sight, and by the time it does recover, we are still going to lose money on this damn house. Like LOTS of money. We've already put around 20 grand into it, and the home is old enough that the shit is about ready to hit the fan with something major. The thought of being 100,000 and climbing upside down, and still having to sink major fundage into this thing, on top of the fact that our utility bills are going through the roof due to increases from the lovely electric, gas and water companies here doesn't help. I'm just done. And if my credit has to take a hit for a few years to stop the bleeding....well, I guess that's the price I pay for selling my soul to the devil and buying here in the first place. We thought we bought low enough, we thought we bought at the right time, and the bottom just kept falling out. Now we will be in line with several other families trying to wash our hands of a property that has worse resale value than a new vehicle driving off a car lot. ( You think I'm kidding...seriously, when my vehicle has better resale than my home...there's a problem.)SO rather than being in this horrid situation for years I don't care to think about, it's time to just get out.

Honestly I do have something to post! Just need to finish up a few little things here and there!

And I'm SO excited to share what I've been up to on all sorts of fronts! Baby has taken some major strides toward independence. House changes have occured. I've been decorating and organizing. Lots of job related craziness. ALL GOOD and all stuff I can't wait to share. I just need a few extra hours in the day to post about it, to plug my camera in to download some photos, two things to finish off the little area I've been hard at work on, and a major change that's in the making to occur before I make an announcement to the world about it! SQUEEL~ (jumping up and down like I just won millions on a game show). SO EXCITED and can't wait to share! Coming soon..........

Time to change things up a bit

Moving on and moving up!

Sometimes it's just time...

There are times in life where you get to this place, after a long journey, where it's just time to let it go. Leave it behind. Bury it with a nod and a smile and slowly walk away knowing for the time in your life that it was front and center and getting all your love, affection and attention that it was well served. One day you wake up and you realize that time has passed. And you almost go through a mourning for it. You want to hold on, because for some time it may have been all you've known. You "grew up" there. How do you walk away from THAT? Well, when there is no more growth that can come from being in that "place". I am a believer that growth can occur anywhere, so to say that may be an over generalization. To believe that the healthy kind of growth that we all want and need can occur in that same time and place that has past is a bit of denial, though. For a long time I was in that very state. Completely denying to myself that the time had come and gone..."of course there is a way to bring this back! I just have to change my attitude and find a source for inspiration!" When you are in denial, you will make yourself believe anything until you get very sick. Sick of yourself. Sick of who you're becoming. And I have DEFINITELY been there. Then the day comes that you awaken. And you just decide. And the clouds part. And the sun starts to peak through. And you start living your life again for you. You get up and you go walking, and you find a new path to take, and you turn around shovel in hand and decide it's time to throw that last bit of dirt on yesterday. Acceptance. Release. Freedom. I have arrived there, and the sunshine is getting brighter....just a few more steps to take until I'm on that new pathway!

BUSY BUSY

Busy growing as you can see! Someday I will come back to blogging :)

Where have I been you ask????

O just dealing with feeding issues. Constipation mostly. Colicky type symptoms. Facial rash. Gunky eyes. My poor sweet lil' boy. Really, he hasn't been too bad (some days I feel like he has horns growing out of his little noggin, a spurred tail and spits venom)for not feeling well, but the guilt is overwhelming that there is nothing I can do about it but try to find the right formula. It just adds to the feelings of guilt about not breastfeeding. Although what I might know now offers a bit of relief from that. Hayden may have a milk protein allergy. This basically means he has an allergy to the proteins in cow's milk (and most often, most of these babies are also allegic to soy proteins, goat's milk, corn, etc.) All of these things are found in most infant formula's (with the exception of the goat's milk). Also, most of these things are found in a good majority of the foods we eat as adults with normal balanced diets...so even if I WERE breastfeeding him at this point...it is very likely we would still be having issues. It makes me want to back hand those ill informed la leche league mothers who comment on blogs dedicated to feeding issues where parents are desperate to find anything to help their child feel better. I've combed over many of them the past month, looking for answers or ideas, or just comfort that it would get better, and each time I see a snooty falooty response like "is there a reason why you just didn't breastfeed?" They all seem to be on this high horse that breastfeeding is the only way and that any mother who doesn't breastfeed only has herself to blame for her infants feeding issues and intolerance to formula. GACK! That's all good and grand until they also have an intolerance to breastmilk because all of these things are passed through to them! Unless you basically whittle your own diet away to virtually nothing...seriously...there was one mother who posted her story who was surviving mostly on organic vegetables and struggling to keep her milk supply up to continue breast feeding because her little girl was so sick and actually was at the point of failure to thrive because her intolerance to both milk and soy proteins is so bad. Even the soy lecithin in chewing gum was affecting her! She was hospitalized and tube fed for 6 days because both the pediatrician and the lactation consultants kept telling her to keep up with breast and the problems would work themselves out! How crazy is that! They ended up supplementing with Neocate anyway. So all that, and still they can have issues. Hayden is definitely no where near that drastic, thank goodness! Still, it's heartbreaking when he can't poop, and he just screams and screams and screams, and he farts like he's got a hot air balloon's worth of gas built up in his belly, and he howls through that. Damn genetics! ( I also had a milk allergy, but could tolerate soy.) Interestingly enough thinking back he was very fussy when I was breastfeeding him, when we went to formula he was happy for a few weeks...long enough for his body to start developing an intolerance to the formula (apparently in some babies the reaction is immediate, in others it takes longer for the symptoms to break through), and then we switched him again...repeat cycle...and then again...repeat cycle...and yet again...repeat cycle. Now we are on a hypo-allergenic formula made especially for feeding problems like this. It is still a cow's milk based formula but they have broken down the proteins so far that the body isn't supposed to recognize it as such and therefore tends to tolerate it much better. There are only a few of them...Nutramigen (which isn't as broken down as what Hayden is on, and also has corn syrup solids in it, which is also an allergen for most babies that have this sensitivity) Alimentum (this is the formula Hayden is on) and the most drastic Neocate. Hopefully we won't have to go to that because it is HORRIBLY expensive...even more so than the Alimentum...which is AWFULLY expensive...and it can only be ordered online, where as the Alimentum can be purchased at most drug stores. So basically I've been exhausted. He really has been very good most of the time, but when he's fussy....o! LOOK OUT! He usually would get constipated...like severely constipated....the second week on a formula. His eyes have always been very watery and mattery, and he's had a rash on his face on and off, but the past month or so it has consistently gotten worse to the point that it's all over now....his cheeks, his chin, his neck and chest, a little bit on his forehead....he looks like he's going through puberty already! It's interesting to me that all of that together along with the screaming fits and very bad gas didn't alert our previous pediatrician (we have since switched) that there was a problem that needed to be investigated a little further. (The final straw was when I called two formulas ago in tears at my wits end because Hayden was so uncomfortable and was not pooping on his own at all, and when I finally gave him a suppository he was pooping rocks and large formed hard stools and the pediatrician just said give him more Karo...let's just say at this point I could have put the nipple on the Karo and just fed that to him...IT WASN'T WORKING! He said he was going out of town so he couldn't see us....I called the hospital for advice on another pediatrician) The new pediatrician offered it as a suggestion. He wanted to try other options first, and when we started to experience the same symptoms again the second week in, he basically said not to mess around with it anymore and just get him on the Alimentum. So this is what has consumed me for a very good part of the last 5 weeks or so. We feed, we scream, we sleep for a short time...repeat. When I have those moments of peace I want nothing more than a shower...a workout...to do a few loads of laundry, maybe pick up the house a little. Possibly eat something. Forgive my disappearing act!

Just pictures...that is all