Where have I been you ask????

O just dealing with feeding issues. Constipation mostly. Colicky type symptoms. Facial rash. Gunky eyes. My poor sweet lil' boy. Really, he hasn't been too bad (some days I feel like he has horns growing out of his little noggin, a spurred tail and spits venom)for not feeling well, but the guilt is overwhelming that there is nothing I can do about it but try to find the right formula. It just adds to the feelings of guilt about not breastfeeding. Although what I might know now offers a bit of relief from that. Hayden may have a milk protein allergy. This basically means he has an allergy to the proteins in cow's milk (and most often, most of these babies are also allegic to soy proteins, goat's milk, corn, etc.) All of these things are found in most infant formula's (with the exception of the goat's milk). Also, most of these things are found in a good majority of the foods we eat as adults with normal balanced diets...so even if I WERE breastfeeding him at this point...it is very likely we would still be having issues. It makes me want to back hand those ill informed la leche league mothers who comment on blogs dedicated to feeding issues where parents are desperate to find anything to help their child feel better. I've combed over many of them the past month, looking for answers or ideas, or just comfort that it would get better, and each time I see a snooty falooty response like "is there a reason why you just didn't breastfeed?" They all seem to be on this high horse that breastfeeding is the only way and that any mother who doesn't breastfeed only has herself to blame for her infants feeding issues and intolerance to formula. GACK! That's all good and grand until they also have an intolerance to breastmilk because all of these things are passed through to them! Unless you basically whittle your own diet away to virtually nothing...seriously...there was one mother who posted her story who was surviving mostly on organic vegetables and struggling to keep her milk supply up to continue breast feeding because her little girl was so sick and actually was at the point of failure to thrive because her intolerance to both milk and soy proteins is so bad. Even the soy lecithin in chewing gum was affecting her! She was hospitalized and tube fed for 6 days because both the pediatrician and the lactation consultants kept telling her to keep up with breast and the problems would work themselves out! How crazy is that! They ended up supplementing with Neocate anyway. So all that, and still they can have issues. Hayden is definitely no where near that drastic, thank goodness! Still, it's heartbreaking when he can't poop, and he just screams and screams and screams, and he farts like he's got a hot air balloon's worth of gas built up in his belly, and he howls through that. Damn genetics! ( I also had a milk allergy, but could tolerate soy.) Interestingly enough thinking back he was very fussy when I was breastfeeding him, when we went to formula he was happy for a few weeks...long enough for his body to start developing an intolerance to the formula (apparently in some babies the reaction is immediate, in others it takes longer for the symptoms to break through), and then we switched him again...repeat cycle...and then again...repeat cycle...and yet again...repeat cycle. Now we are on a hypo-allergenic formula made especially for feeding problems like this. It is still a cow's milk based formula but they have broken down the proteins so far that the body isn't supposed to recognize it as such and therefore tends to tolerate it much better. There are only a few of them...Nutramigen (which isn't as broken down as what Hayden is on, and also has corn syrup solids in it, which is also an allergen for most babies that have this sensitivity) Alimentum (this is the formula Hayden is on) and the most drastic Neocate. Hopefully we won't have to go to that because it is HORRIBLY expensive...even more so than the Alimentum...which is AWFULLY expensive...and it can only be ordered online, where as the Alimentum can be purchased at most drug stores. So basically I've been exhausted. He really has been very good most of the time, but when he's fussy....o! LOOK OUT! He usually would get constipated...like severely constipated....the second week on a formula. His eyes have always been very watery and mattery, and he's had a rash on his face on and off, but the past month or so it has consistently gotten worse to the point that it's all over now....his cheeks, his chin, his neck and chest, a little bit on his forehead....he looks like he's going through puberty already! It's interesting to me that all of that together along with the screaming fits and very bad gas didn't alert our previous pediatrician (we have since switched) that there was a problem that needed to be investigated a little further. (The final straw was when I called two formulas ago in tears at my wits end because Hayden was so uncomfortable and was not pooping on his own at all, and when I finally gave him a suppository he was pooping rocks and large formed hard stools and the pediatrician just said give him more Karo...let's just say at this point I could have put the nipple on the Karo and just fed that to him...IT WASN'T WORKING! He said he was going out of town so he couldn't see us....I called the hospital for advice on another pediatrician) The new pediatrician offered it as a suggestion. He wanted to try other options first, and when we started to experience the same symptoms again the second week in, he basically said not to mess around with it anymore and just get him on the Alimentum. So this is what has consumed me for a very good part of the last 5 weeks or so. We feed, we scream, we sleep for a short time...repeat. When I have those moments of peace I want nothing more than a shower...a workout...to do a few loads of laundry, maybe pick up the house a little. Possibly eat something. Forgive my disappearing act!