Aren't you going to check me?

I think my doctor has an aversion to vaginas. I suppose if I had to deal with them all day...I might, also....but really, I would like to know if I'm progressing toward having this baby, or if I'm going to have to just accept that I am indeed, going to be pregnant forever.
I had another appointment today. I think I broke up with my doctor's nurse. I told her "Katie, I really like you, but I'm really tired of seeing you... and I don't want to do it anymore." I said this as she's pushing the little doo jab on the scale up and up, and when it finally came to it's awful resting place, I declared "okay, now I take it back that I like you....and I'm really SICK of seeing you". She just cackled a bit, opened the bathroom door for me on the way back to the room and said "go pee". Awesome. Piss on this! (coming to the dr. every week, for no apparent reason, that is.)
SO, she takes my BP ( no idea what that is) measures my buddha, checks baby's heart rate....I have no idea where any of those are at either, but I do know what's going on with Katie at home!
Doc comes in, sits down, says "How are we doing"
"Still pregnant", I say in a slightly homicidal tone. He chuckles. "I don't think I need to elaborate on that."
"Nope", he says. Chuckling again.
I say "How big are we going to let this guy get?"
"Well, we're letting him get MATURE", he says.
"Okay....like 8 lbs mature...or 10 lbs mature", I'm wincing by now, "Not that I think he won't fit....but I gotta tell ya, I'm not at all excited about the ongoing exhaustion and the thought of trying to squeeze out a 10 lb'er after experiencing a few more weeks of it" I keep babbling...he keeps playing solitaire on his lap top, " I know I was really spoiled by my previous 36 and 37 week deliveries, and having 6 lb babies, and I just have to live with the fact that I procreated with someone the size of a linebacker...but really....what if the meds to stop the contractions are prolonging this?" I must have been getting anxious. He could see the horror my imagination was playing out. I could tell when he chuckled again, stood up, patted me on the shoulder and said "you're going to do fine, I'll see you in a few weeks, and I'm on call through the Holidays, so if I don't see you this weekend, I'll see you sometime within the next few. We'll talk about helping at 39 weeks."
WTF?????? I am 39 weeks! O yeah...but I've been given 5 different due dates...so apparently he's going by the Jan 12th date. The date that COULD be my due date based upon the date that I gave him of the first day of my last period. Damn it! This is MY FAULT...I should have just done the Bill Cosby "Idunno"!
Not that I enjoy pelvic exams. I'd much rather keep that part of me between my hubby and I....not vag exams....but ya know, all those parts they examine...but seriously, this guy hasn't checked me more than twice throughout the whole pregnancy. Does he not get it that at this point WE WANT to know if we're progressing???? I mean I could be walking around with an umbilical cord hanging out of my stuff right now and I wouldn't know it!!!!! AND yes, I'm being far too dramatic, but really....I just want to know if I'm anymore dialated and effaced!!!! At this point what the hell does it matter....I know he's going to make me stay pregnant another two weeks before he intervenes and hands my child the big fat pitocin eviction notice....and I think the whole idea now on their end (ob-gyn's)anyway is does it really matter as well, and I know many of them are under the belief that they may stir something up, and they don't want to be the reason someone goes into delivery...okay, so I get the whole organic, hug a tree idea, but really...I'm the only person I know that is pregnant right now that can't say how dialated or effaced I am, except for what was discovered at the hospital two weeks ago...and it's driving me NUTZ! If I want organic I'll shop at Whole Foods! Enough with the pregnant. Just give me the baby already!