Let me just preface this by saying not mine. Thank god (and I do every day that he is on duty and he returns safely from his shift).
Sometimes my husband frustrates me. Normal I suppose. Most of the time we are quite blissful...but he has his off days, and I have mine. So on occassion like any married couple we have minor disagreements. We don't argue. We don't yell and fight. We are able to talk it out after some deep introspection on both of our parts. We both end up saying sorry and taking responsibility for our part in upsetting the other. I am grateful to have a happy, healthy marriage where we are able to resolve any conflicts. (This will be important later, I'm going to jump around a little here)
The other night, in the area of where my husband works (he is a police officer for anyone that hasn't figured that out yet) an off duty officer was murdered in his own garage. Shot and killed by three gang bangers. The officer was not on my husband's department, as there are three "main"departments here, but it doesn't matter. Law enforcement families are law enforcement families. And when one of us is struck with tragedy, we all hurt, because it's too close to home. There are details out there, of course, being part of a law enforcement family, we get more of the details than what the news releases. Sometimes I wish we didn't.
But sometimes I'm glad we do, because there is a lesson in everything.
This man had just returned home from his shift. He was in his garage because he had a disagreement with his wife. His garage door was open, which out here seems an open invitation for every thug and low life to enter at will. Three did. They took his life.
This man's family were foot steps from where he was gunned down. His wife. His 8 week old daughter. His two year old son. His mother, who was in town visiting for Thanksgiving. I am just stricken with grief for this man's family, yet grateful that it wasn't my own. The fear sets in, because it could have been any of us. I think about all of our friends (also law enforcement families, with the same circumstances as this one). I'm thankful that none of us have been hit with this kind of tragedy. And I pray that we never will.
I can't resent or hate what my husband does for a living. When we came here, that was the goal he had in mind, what he said he wanted to do. I wanted so much for him to do something that he loved. He does now. That makes me happy for him. And as this situation has shown, it's not just "on- duty" that we have to worry about. Because this could have been any average Joe.
I would be lying if I didn't say some days, especially when I hear about a lost officer that I don't wish we could just go back to the days where he punched a clock and prayed for the weekend. He worked his grave yard shift and came home without having a thought about his safety. I kissed him before he left, and when he got home...but it didn't have as much meaning as it does when I do it now. The place we lived I didn't have problems sleeping at night, or feel I needed to set my home alarm before going to bed...hell, we didn't even have a home alarm. There are some people back there that still leave their doors unlocked while away, or sleeping (GASP! NO WAY WOULD THAT EVER HAPPEN HERE!) Leaving your garage door open was a normal occurrence while working outside, or even sometimes it's just a sign that you're home. Not here. The garage door goes up, we drive in, and it goes down before we even exit the car. Now I have begun setting the alarm when I arrive home for the evening and shut the door behind me, because, I rationalize, we will at least have some warning and have a chance at getting help if something like this were to happen while we are inside going about our usual routine...making dinner, doing homework, playing with the dogs, watching t.v. together. Because "they" are out there...and they don't give a damn if you are a happy family.
Sometimes my husband frustrates me. Normal I suppose. Most of the time we are quite blissful...but he has his off days, and I have mine. So on occassion like any married couple we have minor disagreements. We don't argue. We don't yell and fight. We are able to talk it out after some deep introspection on both of our parts. We both end up saying sorry and taking responsibility for our part in upsetting the other. I am grateful to have a happy, healthy marriage where we are able to resolve any conflicts. (This will be important later, I'm going to jump around a little here)
The other night, in the area of where my husband works (he is a police officer for anyone that hasn't figured that out yet) an off duty officer was murdered in his own garage. Shot and killed by three gang bangers. The officer was not on my husband's department, as there are three "main"departments here, but it doesn't matter. Law enforcement families are law enforcement families. And when one of us is struck with tragedy, we all hurt, because it's too close to home. There are details out there, of course, being part of a law enforcement family, we get more of the details than what the news releases. Sometimes I wish we didn't.
But sometimes I'm glad we do, because there is a lesson in everything.
This man had just returned home from his shift. He was in his garage because he had a disagreement with his wife. His garage door was open, which out here seems an open invitation for every thug and low life to enter at will. Three did. They took his life.
This man's family were foot steps from where he was gunned down. His wife. His 8 week old daughter. His two year old son. His mother, who was in town visiting for Thanksgiving. I am just stricken with grief for this man's family, yet grateful that it wasn't my own. The fear sets in, because it could have been any of us. I think about all of our friends (also law enforcement families, with the same circumstances as this one). I'm thankful that none of us have been hit with this kind of tragedy. And I pray that we never will.
I can't resent or hate what my husband does for a living. When we came here, that was the goal he had in mind, what he said he wanted to do. I wanted so much for him to do something that he loved. He does now. That makes me happy for him. And as this situation has shown, it's not just "on- duty" that we have to worry about. Because this could have been any average Joe.
I would be lying if I didn't say some days, especially when I hear about a lost officer that I don't wish we could just go back to the days where he punched a clock and prayed for the weekend. He worked his grave yard shift and came home without having a thought about his safety. I kissed him before he left, and when he got home...but it didn't have as much meaning as it does when I do it now. The place we lived I didn't have problems sleeping at night, or feel I needed to set my home alarm before going to bed...hell, we didn't even have a home alarm. There are some people back there that still leave their doors unlocked while away, or sleeping (GASP! NO WAY WOULD THAT EVER HAPPEN HERE!) Leaving your garage door open was a normal occurrence while working outside, or even sometimes it's just a sign that you're home. Not here. The garage door goes up, we drive in, and it goes down before we even exit the car. Now I have begun setting the alarm when I arrive home for the evening and shut the door behind me, because, I rationalize, we will at least have some warning and have a chance at getting help if something like this were to happen while we are inside going about our usual routine...making dinner, doing homework, playing with the dogs, watching t.v. together. Because "they" are out there...and they don't give a damn if you are a happy family.
Sometimes I want to go back.
The officer that was killed the other night was not originally from here. As most people that live here are not. I ask myself if his wife is now wishing they would have "gone back"....maybe she had wished that before this happened??? Yet maybe she hadn't because of the life they had built here together.
It's a dilemma that tears at me every day. My husband loves what he does. I have done well in my position and though sometimes I could literally pull my hair out because of some of the people I encounter or have to deal with, I suppose that will be anywhere. We love the warmth of the sun here. We own a home. Our kids have tied themselves into their own community. Not that we couldn't do that anywhere...but it hardly seems fair or right to fix what isn't broken out of fear.
The reality of it is though, things like this happening only bring to light what I should be grateful for, as scary as they are. All I can do is pray that something like this will never happen to us, hold my husband a little bit tighter at night and never let him walk out that door without knowing how loved he is....even if we have a disagreement. I can't imagine how this officer's wife must feel. All the things that have gone through her head in the past few days since finding her husband slain on their garage floor about what she could have changed about their life so that her husband would still be here. The truth is, she couldn't have done anything. Most likely she wouldn't have changed a thing as I wouldn't change a thing about our lives, either. Somehow that takes away from it, and I doubt she regrets one moment of her life that she shared with him.
This morning as I sit here writing this I can't be anything but thankful for that lesson.
My heart goes out to that family.
ReplyDeleteI've wanted to be a police officer since I was a little girl, but once I had Noah...I just couldnt. I couldnt risk something happening to me.