Lots of stress combined with pregnancy= sloppy ball of bawling slobbering snotty me. Traveling for work. Covering all the expenses up front and waiting for reimbursement from my company. Parents in law coming to visit for a week right after we get back from traveling. No time to clean the house. Do laundry from the week, etc. A very sweet mother in law who really just wants to help, but her incredible generousity and helpfulness sends me into an anxiety attack all on it's own because I feel guilty for the help, and not having it done before they get here in the first place. They're supposed to be on vacation and she's slaving away around my house...and I'm chasing around behind her trying to get her to stop. A birthday party with 8 little girls....3 for a sleep over, and 5 more the next day for a pool party. An intolerant crabby husband during the whole party ordeal. Can't blame the guy, I got sick of putting on my happy face after hearing the 50th "I'm hungry" from the same kid, who had already eaten half our refrigerator. Not as much sleep as I needed probably for a good week because of all the above. Feeling like absolute hell and puking my guts out for a good part of that(really, isn't it about time I'm done with this?) Every little thing that gets said and done getting under my skin when really it's probably no big deal, I'm just "pregnant and sensitive" which in itself the thought of not having control of myself at all times pisses me off to no end. Being anxious at every turn about my job security. Dealing with a few major douchebags on a daily basis. O I could go on and on for the reasons I am a big effing mess right now.
Unfortunately for my poor husband it all reared it's ugly head tonight in the form of a cry baby fit.
So I'm working on our finances this afternoon after I got home from work (ahhhh....work...that's a whole 'nother contributor to my angst, did I mention that?) I'm very logical in my way of dealing with money, I like spreadsheets, and my checkbook register, I like to know what went where, and all of the details surrounding it. My husband keeps more of a mental note...so I have to quiz him down. WELL, that makes him stress out, which makes me stress out even more...regardless of how positive the balance is when I'm done figuring up all the numbers. The numbers weren't what I wanted them to be this month given that we had some expenses that really were not controllable, nor anticipated. DUH...did I think I was going to be happy when I started this? Of course when you don't balance the check book, and you don't pay attention to what's going on for almost an entire month, and you travel, and you have work related expenses, it all adds up, of course, you're not going to be happy with the bottom line....trying to explain this to my husband is like trying to teach a chimp to speak English. Husband than thinks he wants to get a second job, which I abruptly jump on the instant defense about because he's currently pretty wiped out as it is. So I would get absolutely nothing of him....maybe a few crumbs left over after he's entirely used up. No thank you. If I wanted to be a single parent, I would have stayed single and never gotten married again. I've lived a marriage like that before...where I'm always working or at home by myself with the kids, and he's always out doing whatever....no thank you...that's one of the reasons I got divorced the first time around. Especially when there is no need to take those measures. We both make great money. We really don't have a ton of debt...we just have spent alot lately...so RELAX husband. No travel this month. Eating at home, rather than eating out everyday for every meal. Simple adjustments that are common sense. Wellll, that was the start to the stress. Maybe not so much the start as the salt on the wound. So husband is grumpy. I'm a little pissy as it is from work, which has been the case alot lately. And I'm already "pregnant and sensitive" remember. (Gritting teeth, clenching fists) O lots of stress and anxiety related to work these days (did I mention that already?). But that's life, and I get up and do it with a smile on my face every day...and I will keep doing so. I love what I do, but somedays I just want to shake myself...or a few other people.
Anyway, we have the finance discussion. Or not really. Daughter is trying to do homework, and arguing her whole way through it. He's helping her. I'm helping her. I set the lap top up on the arm of the couch and reach down to show her how to do something for the third time in a row, and the lap top falls off the arm of the couch. O shit! Keys break off, it freezes up, and all I can do is burst into tears. I've reached my point. This is like a month of built up tension making it's way out of my tear ducts. I know it's going to be uncontrollable, so I head for the bathroom, and I just sit down for a few minutes of peace and privacy to cry myself to a headache. I get it together, and make my way out of the bathroom. Funny thing about me is, when I've been crying and people can see it...even if they knew it to begin with, I get really embarrassed. So I don't look at them...as if they can't see my swollen nose ( like Bozo the clown swollen) eye lids that have almost sewn themselves together by the lashes, and lips that look a little bee stung as well. I still have yet to figure out why my entire face swallows itself when I get upset. So throughout the evening my husband tries to make little comments here and there, to open discussion, or maybe just vent a little, and it sends me back into a sobbing fit. Poor guy. I give. He gives. Everyone just goes to bed. When is this baby due?
Unfortunately for my poor husband it all reared it's ugly head tonight in the form of a cry baby fit.
So I'm working on our finances this afternoon after I got home from work (ahhhh....work...that's a whole 'nother contributor to my angst, did I mention that?) I'm very logical in my way of dealing with money, I like spreadsheets, and my checkbook register, I like to know what went where, and all of the details surrounding it. My husband keeps more of a mental note...so I have to quiz him down. WELL, that makes him stress out, which makes me stress out even more...regardless of how positive the balance is when I'm done figuring up all the numbers. The numbers weren't what I wanted them to be this month given that we had some expenses that really were not controllable, nor anticipated. DUH...did I think I was going to be happy when I started this? Of course when you don't balance the check book, and you don't pay attention to what's going on for almost an entire month, and you travel, and you have work related expenses, it all adds up, of course, you're not going to be happy with the bottom line....trying to explain this to my husband is like trying to teach a chimp to speak English. Husband than thinks he wants to get a second job, which I abruptly jump on the instant defense about because he's currently pretty wiped out as it is. So I would get absolutely nothing of him....maybe a few crumbs left over after he's entirely used up. No thank you. If I wanted to be a single parent, I would have stayed single and never gotten married again. I've lived a marriage like that before...where I'm always working or at home by myself with the kids, and he's always out doing whatever....no thank you...that's one of the reasons I got divorced the first time around. Especially when there is no need to take those measures. We both make great money. We really don't have a ton of debt...we just have spent alot lately...so RELAX husband. No travel this month. Eating at home, rather than eating out everyday for every meal. Simple adjustments that are common sense. Wellll, that was the start to the stress. Maybe not so much the start as the salt on the wound. So husband is grumpy. I'm a little pissy as it is from work, which has been the case alot lately. And I'm already "pregnant and sensitive" remember. (Gritting teeth, clenching fists) O lots of stress and anxiety related to work these days (did I mention that already?). But that's life, and I get up and do it with a smile on my face every day...and I will keep doing so. I love what I do, but somedays I just want to shake myself...or a few other people.
Anyway, we have the finance discussion. Or not really. Daughter is trying to do homework, and arguing her whole way through it. He's helping her. I'm helping her. I set the lap top up on the arm of the couch and reach down to show her how to do something for the third time in a row, and the lap top falls off the arm of the couch. O shit! Keys break off, it freezes up, and all I can do is burst into tears. I've reached my point. This is like a month of built up tension making it's way out of my tear ducts. I know it's going to be uncontrollable, so I head for the bathroom, and I just sit down for a few minutes of peace and privacy to cry myself to a headache. I get it together, and make my way out of the bathroom. Funny thing about me is, when I've been crying and people can see it...even if they knew it to begin with, I get really embarrassed. So I don't look at them...as if they can't see my swollen nose ( like Bozo the clown swollen) eye lids that have almost sewn themselves together by the lashes, and lips that look a little bee stung as well. I still have yet to figure out why my entire face swallows itself when I get upset. So throughout the evening my husband tries to make little comments here and there, to open discussion, or maybe just vent a little, and it sends me back into a sobbing fit. Poor guy. I give. He gives. Everyone just goes to bed. When is this baby due?
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